lotus.

after many months of waiting, my cousin has finally given birth to a beautiful baby girl. named after our grandma and only one-day old, she is already an amazing blessing to this family. technically we'll be second cousins but because "second cousin jamie" doesn't have that ring to it, you can just call me "auntie j."

how can you have so much love for someone you haven't even met?

Read more...

why this weekend was so good

instead of having to drive 3 1/2 hours to go home for the weekend and 3 1/2 hours back to school just to have a bunch of homework left to finish sunday night, my parents came to me. it was basically a 24-hour visit, but it was a much needed 24-hour visit. sometimes i get caught up in all these little school things that i forget how much i miss them. so we packed as much as we could into this weekend and this is why it was so good:

-lunch at the best pub in SLO (according to me and erin). yummmm turkey burgers and fries.

-wine tasting with my mom, who then but a BUNCH of bottles and left two behind for me to enjoy.

-drove out to avila valley barn to pick out some good produce and a giant pumpkin to carve with my sister.

-grocery shopping with my dad cuz my mom wanted to watch the giants' game (kind of a role reversal, huh?).

-mom's cooking! we had a delicious spaghetti meal with lots of extra sauce that my mom separated into containers and put in the freezer for some quick and easy meals in the future. such a mom thing :D

-marlee stayed the night at my place and we watched 50 first dates. adam sandler, always a classic.

-woke up early this morning and made a delicious strawberry-banana-mango smoothie to start the day.

-my parents came back over to watch the 49ers game, but my cable's lame and wasn't broadcasting it. so we were forced to listen to it on the radio, which was kinda nice and simple in a comforting way.

-while we listened marlee and i carved our pumpkin and baked the seeds.

-my dad went with my to get a new tire for my bike and now i can ride to school again!

all in all, it was a productive, funny, family-filled weekend that i really needed. i still ended up saving all my homework for sunday night, but i don't really mind. surprisingly, i miss them already.

this picture isn't from this weekend, but it's my favorite family photo of our recent alaskan adventure.

Read more...

this is what i've found

there are few things and even fewer people that can calm me down or ease my anxiety. i'm an extremely cautious slash nervous person and spend way too much time over-thinking things which should be considered insignificant. there are probably only three or four people who know what to do when i'm nearing that breaking point but when they're unreachable i've had to figure things out on my own. this is what i've found: illuminating my room with colorful "festive lights" my cousin sent me in a care package and listening to bing crosby sing about dreams of a white christmas and ye merry gentlemen on vinyl is one of the most relaxing slash comforting slash anxiety easing things. the memories of family gathered at the tree watching presents getting handed out or the smells of pine needles and peppermint. the scratch of the needle as bing crosby croons about the magic of christmas and the tiny colorful bulbs that dance around my window take me back to where i want to be.

Read more...

greetings earthlings.

this is marz.

it's actually pretty fitting.

sometimes she seems to be from another planet.

she's musically inclined.

last year she made a cd of tuba christmas carols.

it was...interesting.

she's in that pre-teeny-bopper phase.

she likes to keep one eye covered with her hair.

i guess you could call her a modern day pirate.

i like to make her the subject of my photos.

^this is one of my favorites^

sometimes we look alike.

i never used to believe it when people told us.

we're completely different.

but now i think i like that.

Read more...

take me back

do you remember how long we waited?

months, weeks, days, and even counting down the hours til the plane landed;

the thirteen of us finally reunited.

that crazy flight filled with silly laughs

sure to annoy the other passengers surrounding our family.

all of us spread out along the rows of seats.

we swam in the ocean for hours that day.

letting the salty goodness wash over us,

too excited to worry about sunscreen and hydration.

but we paid for it later.

bending over the counters side by side,

whining for our moms to put aloe on our blistered shoulders.

you guys were so pissed,

the hours spent in the tanning salon peeling right off your backs.

we traveled in taxis packed to the brim

each time spilling out into the streets,

like a slinky crawling down the stairs.

thirteen different conversations filling the air,

as we made our way through each little adventure we had set out on.

exploring a beautiful postcard of a town that could only be reached by boat,

shopping in sweltering heat and getting a feel for the locals,

a girls' trip to get our hair tightly braided,

cooking the nine foot sailfish the boys caught on their fishing trip,

the hours spent setting up camp at the pool each day,

and savoring each moment of beach before our time was up.

i want to get back there.

to the sweaty, lazy heat cooled down by a dip in the pool.

to each uncontrollable fit of laughter.

to a week of family breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

to those peaceful nights when you could sleep easy

and there wasn't anything to worry about.

take me back,

to where you could never ask for more.

Read more...

'tis the season

things are so much easier when you know what to expect. i love my traditions. new year's with hailey, easter brunch at unk's, yellow cake with chocolate frosting for my birthday, being in charge of the torch on the fourth of july, carving pumpkins with the fam, the way my aunties always know i like to put the marshmallows on the yams, the deli tray put out for dinner on christmas eve and taking my little cousins out on the hunt for rudolph's nose in the sky. things change, though. i'm all for trying new things, but it's hard to change what i know. when it comes down to it, i don't think it's so hard because of the actual changes being made, the new things i have to try. it's hard because i know it's never going to be the same. and i'm afraid i might forget.

Read more...

in the early hours of our independence

today was filled with the usual frontierland park festivities, running into everyone and their mom, delicious food (of course some BBQ), and, my favorite, fireworks and the smoky haze they leave behind. my aunties and ma bundle up and sit a safe distance from the fireworks usually heading back inside before we even reach the grand finale.

being the most trustworthy of the cousins, i am given full power over my uncle's blow torch to light all the fireworks. it's really like a creative responsibility when you think about it. i organize them into tri-fectas and quadruple-fectas of medium sized explosions accented with bebe ones surrounding them. my uncles cheer for more while they puff on their cigars and my dad and i lead my cousins in interpretive sparkler dancing through the street in front of the house.

our stomachs stuffed with corn casserole, potato salad, ribs with meat that falls right off the bone, and desserts up the ying yang, how can you not love this holiday?

Read more...

sitting in the kitchen

Three generations of women before mine walked in and out of the kitchen. Each time lifting the lid off a pot, stirring whatever happened to be inside,

and bringing in the delicious smells of my favorite foods. Homemade rice and beans, sopes, enchiladas, and flautas all topped off with my grandma’s special chile, so green and bold it’s enough to make even the most adventurous eaters nervous.

My grandma who told me to always make sure I'm satisfied with what I've accomplished at the end of the day. "Don't worry about the money, mi'ja. We need to look out for the people. I know you will."

Three generations of women passing down recipes and tastes that make me proud to call myself the fourth.

Read more...